Pacific Slim

I'd been a guest at The Pearl Laguna, a new holistic retreat (read: boot camp) nestled in Laguna Canyon, for three days and 30 hours worth of yoga, hiking, gym workouts, more yoga, tai chi, nutrition lectures and very little food. I'd traded my Lanvin and Louboutins for a frightening bush hat, dirt-colored hiking shoes and one of those water backpacks with a tube that leads to your mouth. I no longer bothered to brush my hair. Or apply mascara. I had turned into someone I didn't recognize. I had become sporty.

My fitness odyssey started fashionably enough. I was tipped off about The Pearl by Dawn Klohs and Denise Schaefer, the sisters who co-own A'maree's, an uber-stylish boutique in Newport Beach. I trust their taste in all matters, so when they told me there was a new off-the-hook yoga retreat right up the coast from them, I signed on for a week.

Opened last year by well-respected yoga instructor Geo, The Pearl isn't the first boot camp in Southern California. (That would be the Ashram, in Calabasas, where Geo served as fitness director for eight years.) And it's not the most expensive — the Ranch at Live Oak Malibu is a whopping $6,800 a week — but Dawn and Denise assured me it was the most special.

Be that as it may, doubts about my threshold for exertion and deprivation turned into full-on panic by the time my plane landed at John Wayne Airport. Who was I kidding? I hadn't practiced yoga for 12 years, and the last hill I climbed was at a miniature golf course in 1975. Would I get enough to eat? I'd heard all the culinary horror stories about boot camps. Rattled, I stashed a granola bar from the in-flight snack pack into my carry-on before disembarking.

Living naturally, I learned over the next six days, means keeping the body moving, the mind quiet and the stomach satiated with low-calorie meals made from locally grown organic fruits and vegetables. Caffeine, alcohol and processed food aren't on the menu. It sounds like a no-brainer, but as a person used to moderate exercise, sugar, coffee, bread and meat, it rocked me to my carb-filled core.

Happily, there's nothing austere about The Pearl's surroundings, a secluded compound that was once a Hells Angels chapter. The motorcycles and girlie posters have been replaced by orchids, lemon trees and furnishings that are a comfy cross between Christian Liaigre and Crate & Barrel. There's a handsome stone fireplace in the great room (where guests gather each night for savory veggie broth and informal chats) and quiet nooks for reading, and all 12 bedrooms are outfitted with organic bedding and large bathrooms. The yoga studio is airy and inviting, with vaulted ceilings, a fireplace and Tibetan rugs. The Pearl also has a pool and Jacuzzi, massage rooms and a state-of-the-art infrared sauna.

The schedule at The Pearl is similar to that at other retreats: a wretchedly early start, lots of lemon water, light meals, vigorous yoga, grueling hikes, weights, rest, massage time, tai chi (led by Vince McCullough, an incredibly fit and funny 79-year-old), more yoga and early collapse. But what really distinguishes it from the competition is the food. While some people go to ashrams to detox and decompress, most go to lose weight, and my group of eight was no exception. Everyone was seeking enlightenment of the most literal kind. Thankfully, the food was so good that we weren't aware we were consuming less than 1,200 calories a day. Sure, bigger portions would have been nice, but who's complaining? I lost eight pounds and 19 inches in six days.

Breakfasts and lunches were tasty, but dinner gets star billing. It was difficult not to devour a delicious vegetable tart in three bites. The stew of French green lentils with sheep's milk yogurt rendered the humble legume haute, and the famous nut and mushroom loaf was worth every one of the 60 trail miles we'd clocked.

After our final lunch of tacos with a smidgen of low-fat cheese, my group expressed mixed feelings about leaving the womb. Would we make it on the outside? For six days, we had complained bitterly, but we were now stronger and healthier, thanks to the folks at The Pearl. As I was packing, I spied the hidden granola bar. I had come close to eating it about 14 times. I tossed it into the trash and headed to the beach.